i know this is like the umpteenth time i’ve said it, but joseph and i aren’t together anymore. i finally grew some balls to end it instead of going on “break” and falling back into routine. i guess i drew the line at how he said he shouldn’t have to tell me he loves me and should treat each time he says it as “rollover minutes.” (he really said that, and i really almost ragequit.) i don’t want to be THAT kind of girlfriend, but i wanted him to delete his exes on fb because 1) he offered to and 2) their boobs are literally all over his feed. when he saw i was actually serious, he got super defensive about it and when i realized i shouldn’t be trying so hard to convince him, that was a huge red flag. it also got worse because he would keep saying how he doesn’t have money for going out to eat/gas to drive me places but then the next thing i knew he was out eating with his friends or buying himself an expensive camera lens/bike part. he also expressed so much resentment for being with me and it was clear i was a burden and obligation to him. so i ended it. it feels kinda good, but at the same time, it feels bad. which is normal, right?
anyway, i think it’s a good time because now i can start the next semester with a brand new schedule and create a new routine for myself independently. there’s a shitton of things i’m going to miss but i can’t bargain my happiness for that. i just want to be indispensable to someone and to be enough for him to love me with all he’s got.
this is probably the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do.
